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I was doing some much needed cleaning in my room and came across some letters and notes from friends. The latest note was from the end of last year when I was a sophmore, but some of the notes were from junior high. One in particular struck me as being extremely assuming in that while what this girl wrote made me happy, it showed that she thought she knew me well. However, what she said was as far from the truth as you could get. That inspired me to write this poem, over which I missed dinner.
Note the question I ask myself towards the end of the poem. I still ask myself that question every day, that and others like it, such as the famous and never-ending What if's. What if I had switched schools earlier? What if I had actually dared to talk to the popular kids? What if I had held my tongue and not lashed out? What if, what if, what if, what if. I could say that until I'm blue in the face, but it isn't going to change a thing. You need to learn from your mistakes so that you can improve your life, but I have also learned that until you turn your back to the poor decisions made in the past, you cannot succeed in the present and you will then continue to make the same kind of choices that will continue to haunt you. Update! Now that I am in college and getting married, I have made a somewhat difficult decision: I have decided to throw away all those notes I received in high school and junior high, except for a select few that I will keep. Mom and I are doing Flylady and one of the things that Flylady says is if somethat that you own doesn't make you smile or if it makes you feel sad or guilty, get rid of it! It will only make you feel worse and you really don't need that in your life. So, I am flinging all those notes because they just bring back bad and often painful memories that I would really rather not relive. Going through junior high and high school was painful enough the first time - why keep reliving it? So go ahead, and throw away your old notes, etc. It isn't like you are going to read them over again anyway. Keep the ones that make you smile or that are encouraging. Ditch the rest. Nobody needs more pain and bad feelings in their life. Doodled Notes From Friends Rummaging through some old letters Found stuffed away in a drawer, Notes from friends I haven’t seen in years: Short messages slipped quickly in my hand, Neatly typed letters and Hurriedly-scrawled notes full of giggles Passed back and forth during history class. I read them automatically, dutifully, Reliving the near past. Skimming over the blue ink cursive words I am surprised at what I read, At how those who I walked with, Talked with, Lived with, Never really knew me. The doodle-covered letters Signed “Love, Me” or simply with a name Betray the truth That seemingly close friendships Were barely skin deep. Day after day I laughed with them, Counseled them, Shared secrets and crushes Promising to never reveal theirs, Thinking that I could trust them Yet all the while, They knew nothing more than my name, And even that was oft misspelled. They, content with comfortable casualness, Never cared to push past the protective wall I had built, To unlock the secret door inside my heart. The unavoidable question surfaces, Unwilling I ask myself, “At whose feet lies the blame, Mine Or theirs?” I hurriedly refold the letters And shove them roughly away from sight, There to stay in their dark prison Until the next time I need soul-searching. 
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